1. It always takes twice as long as you think
‘We could redecorate the spare room this weekend,’ is a phrase that’s been uttered by thousands of rookie DIY decorators. If you can empty the room, masking tape, sand the walls, sugar soap, paint the ceiling twice, the walls twice and the woodwork twice in just two days then we salute you. And you’re in the wrong profession.
2. You can’t get away with one coat
Think your high-end paint or super-smooth walls mean you’ll only need the one coat? Think again. Even the swankiest of paint brands require two. That’s why it says so on the tin.
3. You won’t need to go to the gym for a week afterwards
4. You’ll get paint somewhere you shouldn’t
You’ve covered the furniture and floors with dust sheets, applied masking tape perfectly and put on your oldest clothes. Nice try, but you’ll still get paint everywhere. Whether it’s a rogue clump stuck to the bottom of your foot or splatters on your hand that get all over the kettle, it’s best to accept the inevitable. If it’s water-based paint just wipe it off, if not, start panicking.
5. Perfectly straight lines are a myth
6. You’ll vow to go on Dragons’ Den with your invention to make it all easier next time
A paint brush with a border tool so you get perfect lines every time? A rolling platform so you don’t have to keep walking up and down ladders? You’re a genius. Well, at the time anyway. Strangely you’ll forget all about these amazing ideas… until next time.
7. There will be arguments
Whether it’s who’s cleaning the brushes or who left roller fluff all over the walls, decorating with a spouse/partner/friend will inevitably lead to an argument. Worse, if your buddy is a self-appointed decorating guru, they’ll make you feel like that kid in PE who nobody wanted on their team. And you’ll end up making the coffee instead, which is nowhere near as good for your Instagram.
8. You will have doubts about your chosen colour
At last, the room is finished, the lines are almost straight, and you’ve moved all the furniture back in. But now you’re not sure it’s quite the right shade. After much deliberating you’ll decide, sod it, it’s taken so long you’ll just have to learn to love it.
9. You’ll vow to get a professional decorator next time…
… and then next time will arrive and it’ll seem like a really great idea to do it all over again. After all, you’re a pro now…